Line By Line: Teaching Children the Pleasures of Gay Sex

Oh I wish I was making this up...

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>http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2008/sep/08091608.html

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Title: U.K Government Funded Project Teaches Children as Young as Five About the "pleasures of gay sex"
Author: Hilary White
News Source: LifeSiteNews
Release Date: Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Area: London

Begin Article:

From the earliest primary grades, school children in Britain should be taught about homosexual relations, a government funded education research project has said.

Heba...hooba....wwhe....WHAT?!?! Whoa!! Where did THIS come from?!?!

No Outsiders, a 28-month, tax-funded research project funded by the government's Economic and Social Research Council, is already functioning in 14 primary schools in Britain, using books, puppet shows and plays to teach children as young as five about the "pleasures of gay sex."

"The Pleasures of GAY SEX"?!?!?! WHY do we need to teach CHILDREN the pleasures of GAY SEX?! AT AGE FIVE?!?!?!

The project is costing British taxpayers £600,000 (Cn. $1,143,989) and is being promoted in schools under the rubric of combating "homophobic bullying" in schools.

At Age FIVE?! Kids don't even know what sex IS at age five! Why the HELL would you need to COMBAT Homiphobic BULLYING at AGE FIVE?!?!

No no no, there's more to this than combating bullying, I know there is.

At a seminar this week at Exeter University, the project's members and supporters said they will go beyond what is taught to the children in schools, and "interrogate" the "desexualisation of children's bodies", [...]

Interrogate what?! The "Desexualization" of children's bodies?! You're the one sexualizing children! You want to teach children the pleasures of gay sex!

[...] "the negation of pleasure and desire in educational contexts" [...]

The removal of pleasure and desire is usually a GOOD thing. Just look at any single sex school out there! And you want to introduce pleasure and desire?!

[...] and "the tendency to shy away from discussion of (sexual) bodily activity." The ultimate goal, they wrote, is to create "primary classrooms where queer sexualities are affirmed and celebrated."

"Celebrated", huh? So we are going to hold a celebration everyday for gay student (who I might remind everyone, are only five years old). WHY?!

Papers prepared for the seminar by the No Outsiders project leaders say that the seminar will question the "taken-for-granted" status of the "supposedly sexless" primary classroom.

Primary School Classrooms ARE sexless!! There's no such thing as sex when we're dealing with five year olds!! The only concept children have about sex when they're FIVE YEARS OLD is that the opposite sex has COOTIES!!

The project will examine "'the place of the research team members' own bodies, desires and pleasures in this research."

Wait wait wait. Let me get this straight: You are going to examine your own bodies, desires, and pleasures in reaserch involving small children and teaching them about the pleasures of gay sex. Does anyone else see where this is heading?!?!?!

Elizabeth Atkinson, a project leader, however, denied that this week's seminar was connected to the No Outsiders work in classrooms. "The seminar is part of a long-standing academic debate and has nothing to do with schools," she said. "It has no connection with sex education."

It just hit me that the group that is "studying" the "sexual pleasures" of children, and doing "work in the classroom" is called "No Outsiders". No Outsiders, as in, "we don't want YOU CLOSE-MINDED PARENTS involved in our study of children... oh... oh hoh!" REMEMBER PARENTS: Being closed minded is a GOOD THING!!

The seminar document admits that the researchers are responding to "accusations of the corruption of innocent children" [...]

NO!!!!! Having sex with children in a classroom setting ISN'T CORRUPTING CHILDREN!!! NO!!!!!

[...] that has "led team members to make repeated claims that this project is not about sex or desire - and that it is therefore not about bodies.

No, it's just about teaching kids the pleasure of gay sex, which, I might add, by pure definition MEANS that it IS about their bodies, since their bodies are what experiance the pleasure.

"Yet, at a very significant level," they said, "that is exactly what it is about and to deny this may have significant negative implications for children and young people."

Oh, good, there's someone there with a FREAKING QUARTER OF A BRAIN!!!

Questions for discussion outlined in the seminar schedule, include: "How might we create primary classrooms where gender-queer bodies and queer sexualities (for children and teachers) are affirmed and celebrated?"; [...]

Um.... we don't. Because if we did, that would detract from, say, ACTUAL LEARNING! Oh, wait, we don't care about that...

[...]"What would it take to teach queerly? How would teachers' and children's bodies be implicated in this? What sorts of subversions and reversals might it entail?" [...]

Um... is the word "Impacted" a good word to use in the context of "teachers' and children's bodies" and "teaching queerly"? And by God, what the hell is "Teach Queerly" supposed to mean?!

[...] and, "At what cost do we deny children's and teachers' sexuality? What do we lose if desire and pleasure are banned from the classroom?"

WHAT WE LOSE IS YOUR FREAKING SOCIALIST CONCEPT OF SEXUALIZING CHILDREN!!!! THAT'S WHAT WE LOSE!!! These people are going to give me a heart attack!

LISTEN, You Queer Socialists, A) children are NOT sexual beings! They do not live around sex and they do not care about sex, as opposed to YOU SCUMBAGS!! In fact, most of THE WORLD does not LIVE around SEX. You Are The EXCEPTION!!, And B) We have been "denying" people's sexuality in the classroom for about TWO HUNDRED YEARS now, and no one's complained until YOU want to go have SEX in the FREAKING CLASSROOM!!!

Simon Calvert of the Christian Institute, however, has responded to the seminar, saying, "When an adult who is working in a primary school suggests that children should explore their sexuality, that should result in a complaint to the police."

Oh my God, a SANE INDIVIDUAL!!! THANK YOU!!!

The project's supporters include the National Union of Teachers, the General Teaching Council for England, Stonewall, the homosexualist political lobby and "Schools Out", a homosexualist promotion project for schools.

And all of these groups should be JAILED for considering this..... thing in the classroom. FIVE YEAR OLDS!!! They want to do this to five year olds!

Oh I am definatly sleeping well tonight after this rampage...

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End Transcript.

Line By Line: Presidental Address (Jan 24, 2009)

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>http://www.whitehouse.gov/president-obama-delivers-your-weekly-address/

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Title: 01/24/09: President Obama's Weekly Address
Author: President Barack Obama
News Source: whitehouse on YouTube
Release Date: Saturday, January 24, 2009 EST
Area: Washington, DC

Begin Article:

We begin this year and this Administration in the midst of an unprecedented crisis that calls for unprecedented action. Just this week, we saw more people file for unemployment than at any time in the last twenty-six years, and experts agree that if nothing is done, the unemployment rate could reach double digits.

And since Obama doesn't want to be blamed for this, as it is now under his watch, we need to do something right now.

Our economy could fall $1 trillion short of its full capacity, which translates into more than $12,000 in lost income for a family of four. And we could lose a generation of potential, as more young Americans are forced to forgo college dreams or the chance to train for the jobs of the future.

Hm.... I wonder where he gets his figures from. Seriously, what is the economy's "full capacity"?

In short, if we do not act boldly and swiftly, a bad situation could become dramatically worse.

And, in short, if Obama acts quickly, a bad situation will become dramatically worse, as I'm sure he will outline right now:

That is why I have proposed an American Recovery and Reinvestment Plan to immediately jumpstart job creation as well as long-term economic growth. I am pleased to say that both parties in Congress are already hard at work on this plan, and I hope to sign it into law in less than a month.

Hm... how does the government create jobs again? How do we jumpstart job creation, Obama?

It’s a plan that will save or create three to four million jobs over the next few years, and one that recognizes both the paradox and the promise of this moment - the fact that there are millions of Americans trying to find work even as, all around the country, there’s so much work to be done.

Oh, I thought the paradox of the moment was that Obama was planning on creating jobs out of thin air. Obama, please, you still haven't told us HOW you plan on creating/saving jobs. Could you please answer that?

That’s why this is not just a short-term program to boost employment. It’s one that will invest in our most important priorities like energy and education; health care and a new infrastructure that are necessary to keep us strong and competitive in the 21st century.

Okay okay okay...... HOW? Obama? Could you please... answer....?

Today I’d like to talk specifically about the progress we expect to make in each of these areas.

The progress that we espect to make but don't know how we expect to make it.

To accelerate the creation of a clean energy economy, we will double our capacity to generate alternative sources of energy like wind, solar, and biofuels over the next three years.

Oh boy. Here comes the new GREEN economy. Obama, I hate to break it to you, but that economy is going to fail. A green economy is a forced economy, and a forced economy is a failed economy because it cannot do what it wants to do when it wants to do it.

And, actually, does this mean that these are the new jobs?!

We’ll begin to build a new electricity grid that lay down more than 3,000 miles of transmission lines to convey this new energy from coast to coast. We’ll save taxpayers $2 billion a year by making 75% of federal buildings more energy efficient, and save the average working family $350 on their energy bills by weatherizing 2.5 million homes.

Woah woah woah, there. WE will weatherize 2.5 million homes. I thought for a moment that Obama said that we, as in the government, is going to weatherize 2.5 million homes. Where's those Right to Privacy people now?

To lower health care cost, cut medical errors, and improve care, we’ll computerize the nation’s health record in five years, saving billions of dollars in health care costs and countless lives.

Well, besides cost of paper and maybe transfer of records costs, how exactly does that cut billions in healthcare? Especially since computer glitches and hard drive failures are, well, bad for data. And actually, aside that, I thought that medical records were already being digitized, by the private sector (ie, not by the government).

And we’ll protect health insurance for more than 8 million Americans who are in danger of losing their coverage during this economic downturn.

Subsidized heatlhcare for everyone!

To ensure our children can compete and succeed in this new economy, we’ll renovate and modernize 10,000 schools, building state-of-the-art classrooms, libraries, and labs to improve learning for over five million students.

Um... no. Obama, that will improve the learning experiance not the actual learning. In order to imporve the actual learning, teachers are going to have to be better trained to a) teach and b) deal with trouble makers. It might also help if the Teachers' Union vanishes as well, because if they do, then that means that schools can fire bade teachers and raise the paygrade of good teachers. That is what will help education.

We’ll invest more in Pell Grants to make college affordable for seven million more students, provide a $2,500 college tax credit to four million students, and triple the number of fellowships in science to help spur the next generation of innovation.

And most likely, these increases in money will go to the poor kids who 90% of the time will drop out of school for bad grades anyway. Maybe instead of subsidies, we should find a way to decrease tuition. Not that the government can do that...

Finally, we will rebuild and retrofit America to meet the demands of the 21st century. That means repairing and modernizing thousands of miles of America’s roadways and providing new mass transit options for millions of Americans.

Um... Obama.... the roads belong to the states, not you.

It means protecting America by securing 90 major ports and creating a better communications network for local law enforcement and public safety officials in the event of an emergency. And it means expanding broadband access to millions of Americans, so business can compete on a level-playing field, wherever they’re located.

Obama's gon'na get me some In'trenet! MR. PRESIDENT YOU DO NOT CONTROL THAT! And by God if he takes it over!! Socialism Alert!! Socialism Alert!! Obama is going to take over dishing out Broadband! Prepare for a telecom/internet company government takeover!!

I know that some are skeptical about the size and scale of this recovery plan.

Oh, good. At least he's not stupid enough to think that all of us are socilists like him.

I understand that skepticism, which is why this recovery plan must and will include unprecedented measures that will allow the American people to hold my Administration accountable for these results.

Good. I like that. Unfortunatly, no one in the media is gonna give a crap to report these measurements, so it will all be for naught anyhow. Though I'm still not going to hold my breath for when these "measures" will appear.

We won’t just throw money at our problems - we’ll invest in what works.

Because if we were simply throwing money at the problem, then people might compare us to FDR, who simply through stuff at the wall to "see what sticks" (oh yes, FDR said that).

Instead of politicians doling out money behind a veil of secrecy, decisions about where we invest will be made public, and informed by independent experts whenever possible. We’ll launch an unprecedented effort to root out waste, inefficiency, and unnecessary spending in our government, and every American will be able to see how and where we spend taxpayer dollars by going to a new website called recovery.gov.

I can't wait to see Obama cut Government Jobs while saying that he's creating jobs. In fact, I think I'm going to have to wait - until Hell freezes over and the second thrid coming happens.

No one policy or program will solve the challenges we face right now, nor will this crisis recede in a short period of time.

This crisis may not go away for... uh... ten years! I'm going to have to work on this for ten years, ladies and gentlemen. Reelect me, 2016!

But if we act now and act boldly; if we start rewarding hard work and responsibility once more; if we act as citizens and not partisans and begin again the work of remaking America, then I have faith that we will emerge from this trying time even stronger and more prosperous than we were before.

Did you see it?! Did you see it?!?! "if we start rewarding hard work and responsibility once more"... Obama just admitted that we aren't rewarding hard work anymore. He just admitted that responsibility and hard work are NOT rewarded anymore. He just admitted that we are a socialist state because we reward everyone equally no matter how hard they try! Oh yes, people. We're there already, and Obama himself just confirmed it.

Thanks for listening.

No, thank you for the wonderful affirmation of socialism...

Thank you for choosing Line-By-Line! Good Bye!
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End Transcript.

Line By Line: New Program Helps Improve Behavior

Okay, while I was joking before about having a new Line-By-Line program, I actually DO now have a program that outputs this Line-By-Line transcript! (I made it myself, because I'm that cool and it's much easier to do it in there than editing the actual HTML to make it). Granted, it's not a command line program, it is much better this way. It may be available for public consumption at a later date. For now:

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>http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/education/story/24CAA54BE56254C986257523000F7CFA?OpenDocument

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Title: Program helps St. Louis area schools use rules to improve behavior
Author: Valerie Schremp Hahn
News Source: St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Release Date: Thursday, December 18, 2008MST
Area: St. Louis

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If you were a student at Halls Ferry Elementary School in Florissant, you'd know that when soft music comes on in the cafeteria, it's time to finish eating. If your teacher asked you to "slant," you'd know the acronym means to sit up straight and get ready to listen.

Cool, soft music is always much nicer than the stupid "SHUT UP AND EAT!!!" my elementry and middle schools tried. And not sure how "sit up stright and get ready to listen" turned into "SLANT", more like "SUSaGRtL" depending on how many pronouns you want to keep.

And if you were new here, and needed a primer on all the school's rules and procedures — and there are lots of them — you'd be invited to join the Newcomer's Club.

Cool, a nice way to welcome the new kids instead of the way that kids like to sometimes...

"I just think that's so good for kids, to come into an environment and know what is expected of them," said Lisa Hazel, principal of Halls Ferry, in the Ferguson-Florissant School District.

Well, it'd be nice to know what's expected instead of just guessing... That's usually what RULES are for...

All schools have rules; just try keeping 500 children in line without them.

Um... yes, thank you Captin Obvious. Your point?

But schools like Halls Ferry have rules nailed down to a science. Administrators say they are using rules not just to keep order, but also to set kids up to succeed.

............yeah....? Are you saying that this is unusual? Why is this news? Hopefully the rules wouldn't be set up for kids to FAIL?!

The schools practice PBS, or Positive Behavior Support. It's sometimes called PBIS, or Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports.

You mean something like punishments?! Oh God that would be unique and different! You acctually punish kids for doing something WRONG!!

Ask any of these schools to show you their rules and regulations binder, and you'll see procedures and lesson plans for everything.

Again, this is NEWS to you people?! It's NEWS if someone actually plans how to run the school?!?!

Everything. How to line up in the cafeteria. How to use "nice hands and feet" on the bus. How to be kind to classmates.

Let's rephrase this: "Everything. How to be orderly and not push and shove and cut in line. How to not punch and kick and shove and beat each other up on the bus. How to be kind to classmates." This isn't rocket science people: kids have rules, kids behave. When they don't behave, when you punish them, and they learn not to do that. NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!!!.

But the program isn't about creating endless lists of rules and cracking down on violators. Instead, the focus is on setting expectations and catching students being good. In other words, schools are offering more carrots and fewer sticks.

Um... I don't know if you want to compare rewards to carrots. I know you greeniewheenies out there think that carrots are a nice snack for kids, but kids hate carrots. Candy would be a better comparison, I think.

And this also isn't rocket science. You praise a kid for good behavior, they continue the good behavior. I learned this in Intro to Psychology. INTRO to Psychology. Not deep stuff here.

Hazel said the approach makes her job easier — about half as many students were sent to her office last school year as the year before.

Imagine that...

Positive Behavior Support is in schools in all 50 states. Halls Ferry was one of the first local schools to start it 10 years ago.

I still can't beleive they have to call this something special... And while Hall Ferry started it ten years ago, it was being used over two hundred years ago by our ancestors. Paddling!

Hazelwood, University City, Clayton, Pattonville, Kirkwood, and Webster Groves are among area districts that have signed on more of their schools in the past few years.

The school mentioned above are signing on to what hundreds of years of human histroy have taught us already. The libs tried wiping it out, apparently, and they obviously failed.

The approach is not rigid; it evolves with the needs of a school. But there is consistency within individual schools.

Yeah, PUNISHMENT!

"Everyone in the school uses the same words," says Thurma DeLoach, director of Kirkwood's special programs. "It's not like when I was in school, where in one classroom these were the expectations; in another classroom, you can get away with murder."

In inner city classrooms, you can still get away with actual murder, but I digress...

Teachers set up their own classroom rules and procedures, but they reflect the school's general philosophy and are similar to those in other classrooms in the same grade level.

Just like what normal schools, like private schools, and catholic schools, and other schools like that have been doing for decades of decades now. Catholic Schools especially - they teach GOD! "Oh no! We can't do that! Blasphemy!"

The program is based on the theory that about three-fourths of students in the school don't have behavior issues. About a fourth of students might need some help, which could mean they get a mentor or an invitation to attend a school "social skills club." A small percentage of students have chronic issues and need more help; they're likely to be put on behavior plans.

Wow, A program that targets those who need it. Seriously, how many times can I say the same thing?!

When schools decide to adopt the program, they might start small with a problem that their school can work on, like cafeteria behavior. Teachers and staff members — from the recess aides to the janitors — agree on a way to address each issue.

At Eureka Elementary in the Rockwood district, cafeteria workers give tickets to students for every positive behavior they observe. Grade levels keep track of how many tickets they get and compete to win the week's "Golden Tray Award" — a spray-painted plastic cafeteria tray.

Again with the positive reinforcement! This stuff is NOT NEWS!!!

"It's unbelievable," Eureka Principal Brian Gentz said. "It has changed an entire lunch."

Yeah, lady, when there's something cool to work for, kids will do it! I mean, look at those funky TV shows that slime kids in order to win trips to the tropics!

With the rules comes a common theme to make following them fun.

BLASHPEMY!!!

At Ritenour Middle School, Huskies get "paws for applause" for good behavior. At Ackerman School in Florissant, part of the Special School District, students' names are placed on a bee, which is taped next to a central beehive in a hallway. Halls Ferry students see handprints as a common theme, and they agree to follow the "high fives." There are six of them: Be safe, kind, cooperative, respectful, peaceful and responsible.

"When we do the high fives, you can earn good listening tickets and you can earn a lot of things, like lunch with a teacher," Halls Ferry second-grader Reggie Ross said.

Ew... who want's lunch with a teacher?

The approach translates to good feelings all around, said Carol Fouse, principal of Hazelwood East Middle School in the Spanish Lake area. She recalled the story of a girl who visited her office at the end of last school year and asked, "Did you make up this school?"

"Yes, as far as coming up with the rules and everything," Fouse responded.

"Well, you did a good job," the girl said. "You know what? I haven't needed to fight this year. I got into fights all the time at elementary school, but I feel safe at this school."

"That," said Fouse, "was very cool."

Kids don't like to see fights all the time, really. It's just when the kids have no RULES that they fight to do something.

But again, I cannot see how this is news! This is NOT NEW people! We've been doing this for hundreds of years! The Socialist Liberals made it new. We really need to stop them, really...

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End Transcript.

Line By Line: Fireplace police on patrol

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The fireplace police descended on the Bay Area on Wednesday.

Oh boy, get ready for a rant. I can feel it coming. I can feel the greenie-weenies coming...

For the first time ever, residential fires are illegal under a new law, passed in July, that bans home burning on winter season Spare the Air days.

"Spare the air! Oh please spare the life of our precious air as it gets sucked away by you vile awful sons-of-dogs that have no concept of how to take care of our fragile, fragile earth," he said, perfectly imitating liberal thought.

The first such ban took effect at noon. Seventy inspectors from the Bay Area Air Quality Management District planned to spend the day and evening patrolling residential neighborhoods, looking for telltale chimney wisps.

Oh good, Big Brother has spent several hundred dollars, if not thousands, creating a Secret Police that goes around looking for wisps of smoke from the chimneys of the city. Do these politicians have nothing better to do? "Hey! Yeah, you! Don't you know that chimney smoke is bad for the environment? You better put that out!!" First our factories, then our homes...

Violators will get warnings by mail. Repeat offenders face fines of as much as $2,000.

Always another tax... Of course, you have to love the strongly-worded letter they send you. Maybe they should use this method on North Korea. They've already got the strongly-worded letter stage out of the way, now fine them into oblivion!!

The fireplace police say they are determined to keep law and order in the living room.

Wait, what about the bedroom? Didn't they complain about laws in the Bedroom? But they want laws in the Living Room. Hey! What about the right to privacy we have in the Constitution?! I don't hear anybody talking about THAT now, do I?!

"We're serious," said district spokeswoman Kristine Roselius.

Well, I'm am too. You don't honestly think I do this JUST for fun, do you?

"This is a major health threat. The weather conditions are such that smoke is trapped closer to the ground and anyone with respiratory problems will have a hard time breathing."

Wait wait wait wait wait... Are you telling me that SMOKE, which is mostly hot air, DOESN'T go up into the atmosphere and dissipate over the earth, but CFC's, which are MUCH MUCH HEAVIER than air, do go up into the atmosphere and disperse over the earth and create ozone holes? I'd like to meet your science professors, please. I have a physical message to deliver.

With 1.4 million fireplaces in the Bay Area, Roselius said the district is hoping for voluntary compliance. It notes that wood burning produces about one-third of the particulate pollution on a typical winter night.

I'm sure, but there are smokestacks for a reason: to make the smoke go UP INTO THE AIR and NOT collect on the ground. I'm sure that most of their measuring devices are situated somewhere up on the highest building somewhere.

The district predicts as many as 20 Spare the Air days during the winter season, which air quality officials define as Nov. 1 through Feb. 28. That means it could be illegal to fire up the fireplace as often as one day in every six.

Wait, they "predict" Save the Air days? You mean they're on a whim? Like Ozone Action Days?

Wait wait wait! That's it! They only want more control over you! DUH!!! They have Ozone Action Days in the summer, but they had nothing in the winter, until now! Ozone Action Days in the summer, and Spare the Air Days in the winter! It all makes perfect sense! THEY WANT TO CONTROL YOU!!! (as if that wasn't obvious already).

Similar bans have been in place in the San Joaquin Valley and in the Pacific Northwest for several years.

And I'm sure they'll readily produce hockey-stick graphs to prove that those places worked.

After the initial warning, repeat violators will face fines, some as high as four figures. In other no-burn districts, offenders have been permitted to do penance by attending "smoke school," similar to traffic school.

Oh, fun! Smoke School! I get to go for a 10 week course, paid for by the tax payers no less, about how I SHOULDN'T light my fireplace. So tell me, why do I HAVE a fire place to begin with?!

But the Bay Area is a no-school zone.

I wonder why? Is it because of the high number of things that kids shouldn't see going on here? Hm...

The air quality district declared its Spare the Air Day because of what it called moderate levels of pollution all around the Bay Area. Moderate pollution is expected to remain today in the East Bay, the South Bay and the Santa Clara Valley regions, with good air quality in the North Bay and coastal regions. The district will decide by noon whether to extend the wood-burning ban.

I'm sure they will, for the sake of the polka dotted owl that can only live in snarl-sin-sook forests next to the toot-twanglers and jin-janglers.

The fireplace industry was seeing red about the prospect of more smoke-free days and nights.

As I'm sure they would. After all, we have to bring down those evil corporations.

"This is obviously something we're very concerned about," said Chris Caron, vice president of Duraflame, the Stockton-based purveyor of sawdust fireplace logs.

As you well should be, Mr. Caron. I suggest going into the polka dotted owl protecting business as well, to try and keep your assets in line.

He said he hoped the new ban would not affect the fire log business and that Bay Area residents would burn even more logs on non-Spare the Air days.

Not likely.

"After (the district) gets through trying to scare everyone to death, we expect they will realize that people still want to burn in their fireplaces," Caron said.

Not a cold chance in hell, Mr. Caron. Which, by the way, I highly suggest moving to hell, as I'm sure your log burning business will fare much better there than up here in cold cold San Fransico, et al. No offense intended towards the man, and as much offense as I can muster intended to the stupid environmentalists.

He also said it was unfair to lump cleaner-burning sawdust-based logs with ordinary wood. And he said he was hoping for lots of cold, rainy, windy and miserable weather this winter.

Mr. Caron, have you seen those "clean coal" commercals? These people don't think anything is cleaner burning. And also, they don't care about the environment, they care only about controlling you, Mr. Caron.

"Bad weather is good for us," he said. "And good for air quality."

They beg to differ.

Rich Ventura, proprietor of Rich's Firewood of San Carlos, called the ban "a little excessive." Ventura sells oak fireplace wood for $400 a cord, a quantity of stacked wood that measures 4 by 4 by 8 feet.

Hm... a little shameless plug from the newspaper. How nice.

"They should try education first - that would be a better way to go," he said. "If you build a fire properly, and get it really hot in a wood stove, there's very little smoke."

You don't understand, Mr. Ventura, they don't want education, they want control! MUAHAHAHA!!! I SHALL RULE THE WORLD VIA FIREPLACE CONTROL!!! That's what they say, though maybe less dramatically, though it would be really funny if someone were caught saying that.

Tim Regan of San Francisco said he had already gotten his education and wouldn't be spending Wednesday night burning any of the firewood he was buying at the Safeway on Market Street for $18.

......Then why buy it?

"The environment has to trump comfort," Regan said. "I'm sentimental about these things. A fireplace is so romantic, the curl of the smoke rising up - it's like Norman Rockwell. But I'm willing to make a concession to the planet's health and survival."

I can so totally see him saying this in a high-pitched girly-man voice. "Oh ooh! These things are so romantic. I'd love to curl up with Rockwell and just spoon in front of the fireplace all night!" (Note: Children should not be reading my blog posts. You have been warned, a little too late. :D )

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For more information on wintertime Spare the Air Days, check the air quality district's Web site, www.baaqmd.gov, or call (877) 466-2876. Residents may also sign up to receive automatic notification of no-burn days, by e-mail or recorded telephone messages.

Yes, if you want to know when the next Government Control Day is, please contact this site or call this number. Thank you for your undeniable cooperation and commitment to saving the polka dotted owl.

E-mail Steve Rubenstein at srubenstein@sfchronicle.com.

Email him if you want, but I don't think he's the guy you want to talk to about this. Maybe Ahnald can handle it instead. Anyhow, that's been Line-By-Line. I love this program. More fun later to day. Bye all!

Thank you for choosing Line-By-Line! Good Bye! C:\> End Transcript.